Martin Gould says he must take heart from the fact he feels such anguish at his final-frame second-round defeat at the UK Championship.
The Pinner potter was 3-0 and 5-4 up against Rod Lawler in their last 64 match, but missed a relatively simple brown in the deciding frame and his opponent cleared up the remaining colours to win through 6-5.
“I felt sick as a dog to be honest and I really haven’t slept that well since,” Gould told West London Sport.
“When I have closed my eyes or been sat down for a few minutes I keep seeing that brown.
“But my coach [Stephen Feeney] said to me that the fact I was suffering so much is a good thing. Feeling the pain will help me come back a bit stronger.
“In the past I have maybe taken it a bit too well – taken it on the chin. But this time it really hurt.
“If I had lost because he had played really well then I would have accepted it a bit better, but I had a chance at 5-4 up and then again at 5-5.
“I got a snooker and the balls were there to clean up but I missed a pretty simple straight brown. I rushed it a bit and it’s my fault, but it’s tough to take.”
Gould, who beat Lee Page in his first-round match, said he was at a low ebb after the game and returning to the practise tables has also been difficult.
“I booted the door when I left the arena and was very snappy,” the 33-year-old added. “It’s a massive tournament and I just needed some space. I would never be disrespectful to another player; it’s just that it means so much.
“It has been hard to get going again,” added Gould, who described his initial attempts to get back in the groove as “a bit pointless”.
But he said he is beginning to refocus, with qualifying for the German Masters his next aim.
The tournament is not until February, but qualifying takes place just before Christmas.
In the meantime Gould said the only possible positive was that he was ahead with his preparations for the festive period.
“At least I have got most of my Christmas shopping done,” he said.
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This post was last modified on 05/12/2014